Merry Meatmas to all and to all a good night!

I've said it before and I'll say it again: Being a butcher's wife is the coolest...

It's totally okay to sculpt animals out of other animals...

Super-awesome Christmas gifts for your kids (if you want to damage them).

1. Tauntaun Sleeping Bag

Looks cozy enough, but then I thought: "Tauntauns are NOT for sleeping in! They are for riding in extreme weather conditions on Hoth. Han Solo had to make an executive decision under extreme pressure in a life-or-death situation and THAT’S HOW Luke Skywalker got inside that tauntaun. I just really think this kind of thing sends the wrong message…sleeping in guts…gross.

2. “First Act Discovery” Recorder

As if the availability of thongs for your 12-year old daughter isn’t horrifying enough this was the packaging choice they went with? Someone get me my pitchfork.

3. Sperm Shoes

Okay, they’re not really sperm shoes but evidently that is their shoe’s logo. I guess it makes sense because sperm like to race one another and ultimately speed is rewarded. Stop imagining!

National Geographic will accept anyone into their society. Even me.

The Officers and Board of Trustees have enrolled ME as a member of the National Geographic Society and I've got proof...

See...



Okay, so that's not my real name...just a "pet" name from my loving husband. He's such a sweetie.

I love National Geographic. So much. It's the only magazine I read cover-to-cover.

But, I gave up my subscription due to the recession. I  mean $15 a year here and there really adds up. So for me, it was back to stealing old copies from the doctors' offices.

Here is a picture of my loyalty...my goldenrod, heavy, dusty loyalty... which wasn't as strong as it looks:


What? You don't like my foot high stack of NG's dating back to 2005? I don't like you then.


In July, I decided I had suffered long enough and asked Matt for a new subscription for my birthday.

It was a glorious day when the first edition arrived, all wrapped in recyclable plastic. I put the first book aside for the honeymoon but couldn't help it and ripped open the next one I saw. King Tut was totally inbred and crippled...read all about it!

Anyway, I started reading and a flood of emotion came over me. I was feeling guilt and then anxiety...what had I been missing? I frantically flipped to the back and saw a crossword...I LOVE crosswords. I was pretty much melting at that point. "How long has NatGeo had a crossword?" I asked myself. "Whhhhyyyyyy did I cancel my original subscription???"

The worst thing of all: It's been a purely love relationship. Who leaves a good thing like that? Again: What was I thinking??? All this was pouring through my mind as I opened the folded Gulf Oil Spill insert and in my focused thinking, while my brain was trying to puzzle out my quandry, I was distracted...

I should have been paying attention, though...I should have thought about what might BE on that insert.

Touche National Geographic. I will never leave you again.

P.S. Who KNEW there were effing sperm whales in the Gulf of Mexico?...AND Giant Squid??? That is now the scariest place on Earth nearest to me.

Come on guys, really...ewoks?

I can't stress enough...STOP PUTTING WEIRD SHIT ON YOUR VEHICLE. It's like a bad tattoo and you will just regret it later. Below you will see case in point:

Your creepy dog paintings look like ewoks with cat ears...

The Ugly Bug Ball (I am totally burying the lead on this one)

Thanks so much for the help on my mystery bug. I never got a response from a website that I USED TO list on the blog but I did get a response, and it was very friendly, from BugGuide.net which is now a reliable source for all of my bug identification needs...


Anyway, that critter is (actually was) a SNAKEFLY larva as represented below...

It was a baby one of these.

Okay, it wasn't really like that but it was going to grow up to be one of those in my imagination and that was enough for me to banish it. It's really going to look like this when it grows up:

I think this bug is actually very cute. It's like a little dinosaur...rar!

Matt says it's an "effing god-awful ugly bug" so obviously he didn't watch enough of Burl Ives singing in "Summer Magic" growing up. I loved that one.