Friday, August 27, 2010

My Shower Should Have Been Great...

You know when you go to get in the shower in the morning and you look down to step in but you’re sleepy so it takes you a while to realize that the dark thing in there is a spider and you’re all “Aaaaah, a spider” but then you realize you have the advantage so you’re like “ha ha, I got you now spider” and you reach for the nozzle and then you start spraying at it but you can’t quite hit it directly then little waves of water start lapping over to its body and every time it stumbles you’re like “come on, spider, don’t fight it-I don't have all day” and then it falls and you’re so happy but then it starts scrambling, and balling up in a defensive pose and you’re like “oh my god, I am so mean for doing this” and you can tell the spider is looking up at you and you have a moment where the spider’s all “what the hell lady, you can’t just go get a cup and get me out of here?” and you’re like “I guess you shouldn’t trespass” and he’s like “yeah but now I am going to die so that’s not helpful” and you are thinking “what am I doing? hurry up!” so you spray the nozzle directly at him in a last act of mercy and he finally gives up and goes down the drain… so you step in and think about how things could have gone differently for you and the spider so you don’t really enjoy your guilt shower and then you go to dry off and think “what if there is a spider on my towel?” but then you're all “that’s really unlikely” and put the towel to your face and then look over at the toilet and see toilet paper in it and think your fiance’s disgusting for not flushing so you flush it and see a small dark thing in there and realize that’s the spider he killed last night. That was my morning.

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