Monday, January 31, 2011

My computer is broken so I am writing you this post from the next cube over...

It’s the last day of work before vacation. I will be in Maui in fewer than 24 hours (if the plane doesn’t crash…if it does, this will be awkward) and I figured my last day of work before I leave would be a piece of cake. The Universe mixed up my hopes again with what would be the most annoying thing and I got to work to find the Blue Screen of Death.

I immediately dial the IT guy. “Um, turn it off then back on.” Alrighty, thanks. (I had already done that.)

Aside: I repressed the urge to say, “Um, are you going to fucking fix it or not?” and settled on “alrighty, thanks”.

This time it booted up but the fan is going so haywire that it sounds like it’s a) going to fly away or b) explode.

After 2 hours, we finally got it working…

I went home for lunch and came back and my computer was off…again. A coworker turned it off because it was making the scary noises. I booted up again and it’s been “loading [my] personal settings” for about 2 hours.

Thank you for letting me vent. I will sit in quiet reflection of your sacrifice in Maui…tomorrow.

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Should I Work for Free....?

This was passed along to me by a co-worker. I LOVE flow charts. Click the link, I promise it's safe...

Monday, January 24, 2011

The only “totes” I need to speak of are bags…

I am sad to report, I can’t stop saying “totes”, “abso” and “obvi” (translations: totally, absolutely and obvious). I was an English major but clearly (obvi), I am powerless against e-slang…omg, I just did it again…and again. I think it’s contagious/viral …yikes. Oh well, at least I will mortify my 16-year old brother around his friends. See, knowing these kinds of things is useful afterall!
I would love to see the OED 200 years from now for“totes” :

total (adj.) late 14c., from O.Fr. total, from M.L. totalis "entire, total" (as in summa totalis "sum total"), from L. totus "all, whole, entire," of unknown origin. The noun is 1550s, from the adj.; the verb is 1716, from the noun; meaning "to destroy one's car" first recorded 1954. Total war is attested from 1937, in ref. to a concept developed in Germany.
tote "to carry," 1670s, of unknown origin; originally attested in Virginia, but OED discounts the popular theory of its origin in a W.African language (cf. Kikongo tota "pick up," Kimbundu tuta "carry, load," related to Swahili tuta "pile up, carry"). Tote bag is first recorded 1900.
totes (pl.) plural of tote bag; “bag” being dropped first recorded in 1910; “totes” (short for totally) first recorded in 2003 on by user “Jenn”.

The above (with the exception of what I obvi added) was taken directly from <---- go there.

Friday, January 7, 2011

This doesn't mean I don't *believe* in the Internet...

I am being stalked…this isn’t the first time, but I find it to be more annoying than scary. My stalker – Tom’s Shoes Banner Ads!

I thought, “I might like a pair of Tom’s Shoes” the other day and that’s when it started. I innocently Googled them then went to the official website to buy. (By the way, they’re like $9 for shipping – such a rip).

I like the concept of “One for One” and the shoes seem comfy. I then went to and took a peek; turns out they were slightly cheaper and there’s a store near me so I closed the browser and ended my pursuit of shoes…

Then, it started happening…I noticed it but thought it just might be a coincidence but then how could it be? How could it be? It seemed like almost every website I visited was postered with Tom’s Shoes ads! I thought, “How can Tom afford this sophisticated level of targeted advertising? Isn’t he just busy with children in developing countries giving away extra shoes?” Apparently not. Tom’s Shoes is a fucking machine!

Now I know the Internet is a made of magic and I’ll never fully understand how it all works, but I am creeped out simply by the scope of the thing! And no, I don’t want you explain it to me. Seriously. So don’t.

I just like imagine little invisible spies that can fly and report back to Internet Headquarters…which is kind of like the Emerald City but in pastels, not jewel tones, and the Easter Bunny is Oz except he’s like legit but not like a “person” rabbit, just a giant, doe-eyed rabbit that is terribly effective when it comes to marketing stratagem.

Here’s a sampling of what I’ve endured:

Websites visited and reason (for fun):

OMG! – I wanted to read all about Mila Kunis and Macaulay Culkin’s breakup; actually I didn't even know they were together...eeps.
National Geographic – Getting a subscription for my Papa for Christmas
Ellen Degeneres’ Show – Writing her to help stop slaughter of dolphins in Taiji, Japan – Reading about a new kind of dog collar – I don’t know how, but it popped up in my browser (Easter Bunny! shaking fist) – Learn about recent Court action on Proposition HATE

I went to Nordies and got them anyway. I’m not scared of you, Easter Bunny OR Tom! To my readers: I’m weak, don’t hate me! Editor's Note: Since I started drafting this, the ads have suddenly disappeard...spooky.

Beans says: "What's in the box? What's in the box?" like Brad Pitt in Seven.