Seriously WTF is that?

I found this on my carpet a while back and I have been researching endlessly since then to find out just what kind of long-bodied freakish bug was brave enough to drag its bloated (but nicely decorated) abdomen across my floor (a.k.a. trespass). I only found it thanks to Beans who I am sure would have swallowed it had I not noticed her batting at the carpet like a moron.

I have emailed WhatsThatBug.com but probably won't hear back; Bugman is very busy id-ing more exotic species, I am sure. Nevertheless, I implore my blog readers to ask anyone they know to help me find out what this is!!! I suspect termite or ant, but haven't found any proof. Btw, this thing was about 1" long.

And yeah, I know it's gross. That's why it's dead.